This is for me. A gift to myself, or maybe a call for help. I signal and I wait for response. But how could that help since people always see what they want to see. You feel like you’ve been treated wrong, out of the borders that others have decided for you. This is for all those people who are full of fear like water fills their body, which biologically occupies 70% of our body.
I fell in love, I gave up myself and I got out wounded.
Who hasn’t been through that anyway? How many clichés have we all heard from friends, family and other random people? Phrases like”Life goes on, you are not the first who got wounded from love”. I know that I am neither the first nor alone. I know that thousands of women are going through similar situations. In a single google click and I will be bombarded by sites talking about love disappointment, sadness, pain and loneliness. How many are those souls??
However, do not think that is like a piece of cake for those you have been tainted. Show mercy, show understanding. The fear for new is eating me, lives in me day by day. Some days, just the thought of love makes me feel more afraid than death. And yet I haven’t decided on what is worse. If love causes me fear then someone else hasn’t done his job as expected.
According to others, always the acts of the other end cause all the problems. He didn’t treat me as he should, he was dishonest to me, he never respected me and many other excuses that we use to make. We give our best to make ourselves feel better. I carry my fear as medal and I wave it with pride. Yes I am afraid and it is not bad. When will you understand it?
Fear is not misery as many people think.
With fear I can look at myself through the eyes, I stare at him and he stares back to me, we interact with the eyes, we communicate with the heart. He represents in front of me all my rights and my wrongs, figures come and go and I still can’t understand where I was mistaken. I shout to him trying to make him stop, but he stays there, not giving up until I see. I have never found a partner more trustworthy.
During the night he keeps me company, and during the day he reminds me to remain strict and selective. I like to scan people with my eyes and my mind. This is not something I used to do. Today I know, I have worked my mind on it. I can proudly say that this guy does not suit me. And believe me is not from being miserable, it is pure consciousness.
Friends and family are on the other side.
They point their fingers to me. You don’t live your life, they blame me, you are hiding under your shelter, destroy the wall that you have in front of you, let people get to know you. And I answer to them again with pride that NO! If someone wants to get to know you he has to fight. Do not blame fear for everything, you are misjudging him, he is not as bad as he looks.
Fear helped me become a better person. He enhanced my senses.
Now I can see, hear and feel better. He helped me improve myself and no one can understand that if he won’t try to enter my world even for a little bit. Words sadness seems to other like life-sentence, personal cage something like the Gordian knot.
It is true that at the beginning I went way over the borders of reason.
I became scrawl talking around about my sadness. But look at me now! I am stronger. I find myself again day by day, I do not have more ups and downs. Now i feel I am prepared and I have my eyes wide open taking care of myself.
Not like some other people who project their supremacy against love and they do not care if they are going to hurt themselves or not. I care about that and actually a lot. Pain must have a meaning. It means that that you can feel, you can judge and you can refine your thoughts. That is something human and not that rare. It’s a shame that it has been tagged with sad and dark colors.
Everything is on the plan, especially if we talk about love.
Man is nothing without love, and love means being also afraid. What is the certainty that you are talking about? If you haven’t stay awake all night under the fear of being forever lonely you have no idea what being in love is going to be or how it is to love yourself. This is what humans do. We reshape everything in our minds, making our fears look monstrous and gigantic until we face again let ourselves relax again.
I do not like o talk about myself but I need to say this: I am afraid because I know that I can give and take.
And those who do not appreciate that they don’t deserve even a tiny place in my room. I am afraid because I know that I am a human with feelings. I am afraid because I know that I can become a better person and I look forward to that one person that will help me do it. I am afraid because I love to live under the challenge. And this certainty will come when I am fully aware of who I am. This requires effort, time, my mind and my soul. I always try for the best and time after time my reflection on the mirror becomes even more beautiful.
People with fears an insecurities are probably those who gave more and took back nothing.
Maybe are those who tried and fell a few meters before the finish line. Their fight though is tough. They give a lot of effort to match. Because their emotions and not by their minds guide them.
Of course we do not talk for extreme actions.
We talk for us, who need their time to feel comfortable, who will find it hard to open ourselves, and who will find it very hard to accept that love has come, has entered our house and is at our table drinking coffee with us. We are those people who live the moment 100% and not behind the curtain. We are realists and the most romantic people on the globe.
Because the fear of disappointment and rejection made us refine our beliefs. Made us love and think more about us. Made us better.