We missed each other!
“You disappeared“, you said strangling, almost whispering in between your teeth. You were looking at me without drawing your gaze away. You were waiting for me to say something, to react in any way to draw a conclusion about how i might be feeling about you now, if i still have some feelings for you. After all, there have been years since we last met, innit?
Five years have gone by without any contact. Who? Us, who would make endless travels together, both literally and metaphorically, us who would face every new challenge together, us who would conquer the world together, because our love has always been greater than anything else. Five years. How ironic!
Both lost in worlds so different from each other, so ignorant of each other. we were both looking for contact for a common sign. A sign to guide us. To show us if we belong here.. or there… together. Or should i switch plural to singular?
Five years. And after these five years, we meet again. In the place where we first met each other and the place where we said goodbye for the last time. A place-witness to every memory that connects us. A place that was watching every single scene: of jealousy, of anger, of break-up, of sadness, of love. Yes, you got that right, we were starring in a play where we had only one spectator: the fountain of the big square, our place.
You, were of course writing the scenario and i was sticking to the instructions. Like a puppet. I could not articulate my opinion. Not because I couldn’t but because I wouldn’t. Compromise? Misery? Plight? You can call it however you like.
Trapped in this perfectly camouflaged life, I was avoiding every contact with my true emotions. And most importantly, I was avoiding every contact with my true self. And the weirdest? I was never getting tired of it. On the other hand, you got tired of taking so many initiatives. You got bored. You left the scenario in the hands of fate. You didn’t have nay more inspiration and you went for another Muse. I did not match any more.
I was frustrated. Not so much with you, but with me. Because, when I raised my head and faced the world alone, without having anyone holding me by the hand, I realised how low I had fallen. The scene was ridiculous and the after-taste was bitter.
I gathered as much of my self-esteem was left and I left. I haven’t had news from you since then. I cut contact with mutual friends and acquaintances. I only met your mother once at an event. Because, apart from an unsuccessful Muse, I am also unlucky, do you remember?
She told me you got engaged and you know, I really felt – nothing. Even the bitter taste on my lips was not that bitter any more. Maybe you had found the position you belong to. Maybe it would have been better if you had made clear from the start that this position you wanted to be was not by my side as I believed then – as I needed to believe.
I wished every happiness and I kept going along my way. Not the way we had planned together, but my way. I was not in the mood to conquer any world any more. I took the scenario and made some changes in the future scenes. You see, fate does not work that well on its own, you have to give some directions.
I wrote my own scenario and kept going alone, having goals and dreams, waiting for their realizations. And I didn’t plan to fail anyone, and mostly not myself.
You stretched your hand towards my face and you covered my chick with your palm. I tasted once again this bitterness. I felt my eyes burning after so long and it was almost impossible to articulate any words, let alone start a conversation. It took me some time to recover and manage to relocate my place.
“Yes, I disappeared“, I replied and turned around to leave.