I still remember that evening. You remember it a well, I am sure. How could I have known that that evening would have changed everything?
It was not love at first sight, as they say. How could it be after all?
At first, it looked like a typical acquaintance. You know what? I didn’t like you at first. Even though I never told you so. But for our chemistry, damn! We started talking and for some reason, it felt as if I had known you for years. We would be a good company, I told you and you agreed immediately. I had fallen in love with you from the first moment but I didn’t know it yet.
You were not the most easygoing person in the world, but neither was I.
Two strong characters, yet so different from each other, never stepping back until they get what they want in their own way. But I didn’t care at all. You didn’t look like anyone I have met before. Nothing could stop you if you wanted something.
This could annoy even your best friends.
On the other hand though, everyone loved you. Anyone could see that. Constantly by the side of everyone who might need you, but those who let you down, had better find a place to hide. Your spontaneity drifted me away. Your brains enchanted me. And this smile of yours makes you even more lovable.
The usual mind games had started until the weakest surrenders.
We talked for hours, sometimes even until dawn. Laughs, jokes, honest conversations but we never skipped confrnting each other. You told me not to change for anyone and I agreed. How naive! How could I imagine that I would change all my life theories for you! You see, I didn’t want any attachments. I couldn’t stand suppression. I couldn’t stand talking on the phone for hours or holding my mobile all the time. I was never sticking to anything that would soon end. I was jumping from one relationship to the other. I didn’t let myself fall in love truly.
With you, everything was different. I couldn’t stop a minute without you.
If I heard someone say that a year ago, I would laugh. You were the one I wanted in my life. I had found what I was looking for. That was it! You won! I stopped seeing others because you were the one in my mind. When you were sure, you were ready to let go with me as well.
Little by little I started making plans for us and I shivered in the thought of losing you.
And the more I feared, the more I was losing myself and I was acting irrationally. One fight followed the other and our selfishness reached the top. You ended up being closed in your self and I saying things I was regretting the next moment. You don’t appreciate anything, I remember you telling me all the time, but forgiving me the next moment. Nothing was as it used to be though. Maybe some people cannot be together no matter how much they want to. That’s what I believed and I left, not because I stopped loving you, but because I thought it led nowhere. I knew it was gonna be hard in the beginning, but as I have done so many times before , I would manage. Naive.. again.
I wish you knew how much I want you back in my life.
But I know it’s already too late. You are not the kind of person who gives second chances and I have had hundreds, haven’t I?
Now I’m here and I think about you for another night.
I bring our endless talks in my mind. Our laughs. The plans we made. The cuddles. The kisses. The nights we spent together, but those you were away as well and you woke me up with a message of yours and I got angry because you woke me up. And yet, it was the best waking ever, even though I never told you… what a fool I was!