“I want to be a philologist, a mathematician, a chemist”. Each and every one of us finds themselves full of such dreams if they look some years back with an enthusiasm that you could never thought could decline. And it was not just dreams. You were deprived of your fun teenage evenings, the Saturday parties and the Sunday strolls, all moments belonging to you in the name of your goals. Your goals have been everything you’ve always wanted and you were determined.
Your life had goals and therefore – meaning.
You were smiling at each obstacle, you were smiling at each and every failure, you were becoming even more determined at each test that brought you closer to your dreams. As time went by, your dreams start getting more precise, you choose the city you want to study in and everything starts to count counterclockwise now. Some of us had even started crossing out the days in the calendar years before. We knew what we wanted.
And there come the studies and a circle full of promises.
Studying, our lives, the change and direct re-adjustment of our character, the first wounds, the first solid behavior management lessons. Through difficulties, our goals remained our goals. And at the end, you got you Bachelor’s Degree, you got your Master’s Degree, some even walked further to a PhD. Money and toil spent away in frantic rhythm but you still fought for something- you had goals.
And this is the point. You had goals, you had dreams, you had plans for the future.
Really, how painful can it be for a soul to have her dreams cut down in half? What about those exhausting nights I spent to pass my courses? And what about all that money that my parents invested on my dreams? In what right do you annihilate everything and deprive life of her own life? With how much audacity and rottenness in your soul can you tell a young person to stop living and start a life of constrains and mockery? Hundreds of CVs waiting for approval, interviews that were never held and those held were not successful because you were not enough “in the circle”.
I want a day and a camera that will be shown where it should be.
When I, at least see just how much stress can fit in one single day of the life of a young scientist, how much agony, abstinence, happiness, sadness and anger can co-exist in one single day, I would definitely feel guilty on their behalf. Those who should, do not feel so, so let someone else do it. At some point.
We are not miserable, we are not lazy and certainly the beauty of our dreams is obvious.
The pureness of our goals is apparently present. We dropped the standards of our dreams very low but even then, every time we succeed, we smile. Because in a time where society does not support its children but instead stomps on them, they still fight back with good will.
For the dreams that were given empty to us, for the future that has an expiration date, for the moments of despair and the moments we “broke”, but most importantly for the time and strain we have afforded to see our visions take shape. For those and only, we keep going!
We only want to smile. To smile even with borrowed wings.