Hey, I bet you’re one of those people pleasers who try to make everyone happy all the time, right? Oh, well, I bet you try really hard to make them happy as much as possible, am I correct? Well, at least you say no sometimes….or do you?
Saying no is harder than you think, aside from using this word in a parental manner. That seems a little easier to do and I think it’s because children are your responsibility. But saying no to other adults isn’t as simple as that. To say no to an adult is to change the entire atmosphere of the conversation at hand. It simply alters the mood of you, your adult friend and even the environment. This cannot be healthy. Yet again, neither can say yes, all the time either. Hmmm
Why do we always say yes?
Aside from wanting to keep the peace, why do we try to always say yes? We say yes to our spouses, friends and at times, we even opt to give our children some of those easy appeasments. We want to seem perfect, invincible and able to juggle many of life’s responsibilities, so we agree to pick up the dry cleaning, we agree to watch our friends dog and we even agree to host the next party. We agree to everything and in turn, our friends and family get accustomed to our hospitality and kindness. And guess what happens next…that’s right, they want even more and would be shocked if their next answer was no.
I feel mischievous all a sudden. I think I want to shake things up a bit.
Ever been called self-absorbed or self-centered? Well, I have. After my divorce, I changed. I decided to search for what made me happy. Yes, I still fulfilled my duties as a parent, but guess what! I learned to say no. That’s right! I started saying no to babysitting, and no to dates and even no to working voluntary shifts. Certain people started to dislike me and call me self-absorbed. At first, I was wounded. I had no idea why loving myself was such a bad thing. I wanted to step away from being the servant and step into a new pair of shoes which allowed me to truly care for myself. I still fed the kids, got them to school and even spent quality time with them-yes, helped with homework, just as before. But I was done with being everyone’s perfect do-all. I wanted to practice a different routine.
I got addicted to the word “no”
No meant freedom, no longer controlled by other’s expectations of me. I found no to be liberating mentally as well. I could now make an unfettered choice about any given thing I wanted or did not want to do. I could also be kind and still say no. This was the most interesting part of all. I didn’t have to scream it, growl the word or even write a note saying “not this time”. The only thing i could simply do, is to smile, say no and then continue with a bright cheerful conversation-if the other party wished to continue past their rejection. I saw no as a window of opportunity for me and it helped me build my character which I wear as my armour of strength to this day.
So, it’s great if you’re not trying to please everyone. It’s also okay if you fail to please people at all. What’s most important is you remember this word and use it in healthy portions. It’s okay to say yes sometimes…